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The Day My Pride Was Thrown Down the Hallway

Laying back, covered with a heavy lead vest, trying to relax as the hygienist adjusted the camera to take the first of 4 x-rays, my ears picked up the sound of conflict developing in the hallway. My sweet and adorable youngest two children had stepped out of the room so that the x-rays could be completed. One sweet child played their Leap Pad, while their adorable sibling had the audacity to try and watch. Apparently the sweet child didn’t want an audience and I heard the command… EVERYONE heard the command, “Stop looking! I don’t want you to watch!!!” But that dear sibling really wanted to watch and was not going to relent.

With my mouth full of dental paraphernalia there was nothing I could do! I felt helpless. I could not call their names. I could not look across the room and give them the “look”. I could not pretend like they weren’t my kids. 😉

Hopeful that it would resolve itself, I relaxed back into the chair. It was then that I heard the thud of the Leap Pad after it had been thrown down the hallway. Apparently it’s better that no one play, that to entertain an unsolicited audience. SIGH…

That’s just the way it goes. Just when I begin to raise my arm to pat myself on the back, something happens that brings that arm quickly back to my side as I am once again reminded that perfection is not possible. I will never be perfect.

The perfect wife

The perfect mother

The perfect friend

The perfect homeschooler

I want to embrace my imperfections so that I cling to the only perfection in my life. Jesus.

He takes my imperfections and reveals the beauty found in it.

When I fail as a wife I experience the joy of restoration.

When I fail as a mom I bask in the forgiveness of my children.

When I fail as a friend I am shown unconditional love.

When I fail as a homeschooler I still reap the fruit of our time spent together.

Many days my awareness of imperfections begins to overtake my emotions. But, here’s a confession. One that took me a long time to realize… Even longer to admit… And longer still to say out loud. Ready for it?

“I am not perfect.”

You probably already knew that. 🙂 I knew that! It was pretty obvious, but it took many, many, MANY years for me to not only see that, but to believe that.

Maybe if I keep working and trying and doing…one day I will be perfect at ________(fill in the blank).

I kept working. I kept trying. I kept doing. I kept…failing.

These failures weren’t all “fall flat on your face in a pile of mud” failures. Some were subtle reminders that I am unable to be and do it all. And before you go thinking I view myself as one big, fat failure, I’m thankful for the reminder that I’m not perfect because it keeps me seeking the one who is. I need Jesus in my life. I can’t do it all and I’m not supposed to. I mess up. If I didn’t why would I need a Savior?

So here I am world, ready to proclaim for all to hear!

“I am not perfect, but I know the One who is. Praise the Lord!”

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