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“Who Am I?”

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard, “I wish I had to patience to homeschool.”

My response to this statement would usually include how I’m not always patient and some days are more challenging than others, and how I mess up (a lot).  I might include a story or two to reinforce my inability to always keep my smile, my patience, and my “inside” voice.

Over time, I’ve realized that long, drawn out answers are not necessary.  So now when someone says to me, “I wish I had the patience to homeschool.”

I respond, “So do I.”  🙂

There have been times that I have wondered if I am truly capable of preparing my kids for their future.

Sure I got good grades in high school and college, but that’s more because I was performance driven and wanted an “A”.  Honestly, I wasn’t all that concerned about if I was actually learning.  Multiple times in college you could find me sitting in a booth at a 24 hour restaurant studying my guts out for a test the following day.  I was the queen of cramming.  As long as I received a good grade it was all worth it.

Apparently my cramming hasn’t paid off all that well as recent conversations with Andy have proven.  This was a text exchange between the two of us last week.

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We were working on some additional landscaping at our home and I wrote to him about our “Crete” Myrtles.  Without skipping a beat, he replied back about the “Crepe” Myrtles.  He didn’t point out my mistake.  After 15 years, he’s fairly immune to my flubbed up vocabulary words.  The worst part of this mistake is that “Crete” is one of the islands we are identifying in our geography work this year.  Although, to be fair (to myself!), I was pronouncing it C-R-A-T-E, with an “A” sound, not C-R-E-T-E with a long “E.”  Does that make it better?

If you’re wondering what I was referring to at the end of the text with “welps”, that was another funny story…I think.

Last month, one of our boys was breaking out every single night with severe rashes and we could not identify anything that could be causing it.  At his annual check-up I brought up these mysterious bumps to his doctor, and for about 10 minutes we discussed his rash and his “welps”.  When I called Andy to update him, he said, “You mean welts?  Whelps are baby puppies.”

Oh no….. By the way, I do know how to spell “whelps” when referring to puppies. My spelling of “welps” without an “h” is when you are referring to a rash.  🙂

In these moments, I always laugh at myself and then ask Andy, “Are you sure you’re okay with me homeschooling our kids?”

In all seriousness, who am I to believe I can do it all, teach it all, direct it all?  Who am I, to believe I am 100% capable of meeting every requirement?

 Yet in the midst of these thoughts I always have an overwhelming peace that this is the path the Lord has prepared for our family, at least for this moment, and all I know to do is to follow where He leads.  Following after Him is something I am very sure of.

As I was reading about Moses this last week, a particular passage stood out to me.

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In Exodus 3 we see Moses living in Midian after fleeing Egypt, and tending to his father-in-law’s flock.

Here is a man who had not lived a perfect life.  We don’t know many details about his early life, but we do know he killed an Egyptian and tried to cover it up.  Moses ended up fleeing Egypt to escape Pharaoh’s wrath

Now, as a husband and father he was “living as an alien in a foreign land”. (Ex. 2:22)

As Moses led the flock to Horeb, the mountain of God, the Lord appeared to him in a burning bush.  God identifies himself to Moses.

“I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob.” (Ex. 3:6)

God continues to speak and tells Moses that he has seen the misery of His people in Egypt, and that He has come down to rescue them.  Here is where we come to the moment God will inform Moses about a part of the plan which includes him.

“So now, go.  I am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the Israelites out of Egypt.” (Ex. 3:10)

Moses responds, “Who am I…?”

I get it Moses.  I imagine that I may have responded in a similar way.

Me?  The one who killed a man?  The one who fled Egypt to save my life?  You want me to return to Egypt, Lord?

God responds with words that I want to grasp, hold on to, and bring to mind as I am faced with…Who am I?

“And God said, “I will be with you…”

Exodus 3:12

Ahhhhh…..that’s what I need to know.  To remember.  To believe.

Do you ever wrestle with the thought of…

…Who am I?

Who am I to homeschool my kids?

Who am I to lead a Bible Study?

Who am I to be in charge of these responsibilities at work?

Who am I to be the parent of a special needs child?

Who am I to be the spouse of an unbeliever?

Who am I to receive this diagnosis?

Who am I to witness to others, when my sin is so evident to those around me?

When you feel you are lacking and you just don’t make the cut.  When life seems to be weighing you down, don’t let discouragement steal the impact you are called to make for Christ.

As Moses said, “Who am I?”

The Lord made it perfectly clear that it’s not who you are, but who He is!

And as a believer you are never alone.

“I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”

Galatians 2:20

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